Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Now dash away, dash away, dash away all…

I cannot believe Christmas has come and went.  This year was a little different than most years in some ways that I will get to later but the important things never change. My parent’s house at Christmas time is perfect…maybe I am biased but I simply love everything about it and I know my sister (Molly) always agrees with me on this.  

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This is the entry way…and one of the many beautiful quilts my mom has made over the years for Christmas. I always like this one because I think Santa’s eyes look so kind and detailed and kind of real which could actually go creepy real quick…but somehow it doesn’t which screams talent right there! 

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The tree…always so great.  Although I think tree’s with a theme or the same color decorations are beautiful I love our tree because it doesn’t match…it has ornaments on there I made in kindergarten and I love the family theme better than anything Martha Stewart might come up with!  The stockings…yet another thing my mom made for us when we were little.  No house would be complete without the mistletoe either!! 

As much as I love all of the decorations, the things I really love are the people that fill it every Christmas. And when I say “fill” I seriously mean just that…there are a ton of us and always have been and I cannot imagine a Christmas any other way!!!!  As you can see above, Grandma and Grandpa couldn’t either.

This Christmas was full of family and love…we did have some sickness, and that is an understatement!!! My dad and I got really sick and my poor mom had to take care of us, but I have to say that despite feeling like I couldn’t move an inch of my body without it hurting, it was really nice to just lay around and watch movies with my family.  I hope your holidays were as special as mine…minus the puking, etc :)  And now it is time to focus on the New Year; Goals for 2012 post to come really soon!

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

We are friends for life...

“We are friends for life.

When we’re together the years fall away. 

isn’t that what matters?

to have someone who can remember with you?

to have someone who remembers

how far you have come?”

                                        ~ Judy Blume~

There seems to be a theme with my blog, and if you have read any of my past posts you know that I am fascinated with love.  The love between two people, love for family, love for life, love for many things…I love LOVE.  I have also mentioned in my previous posts the love I have for my friends and this past weekend I was once again reminded of this love and it is all I can think about and so as with everything else that touches me…I write.

I was in Florida this past weekend to celebrate my friend Ashley’s wedding…Ashley and I have been friends since we were about 9 years old so to be apart of this day with her was emotional and wonderful.  As with all of my friends weddings, my lovely group of girlfriends all made the trek down to help celebrate and I was almost brought to tears at how grateful I am to have them.  We don’t get to see each other often but when we do everything else falls away and we can be exactly the people we have been since we were young.  With these girls you don’t have to explain, you don’t have to pretend, you can just be… and there is no greater feeling in the world than that. 

I saw the above quote recently and realized no amount of big words could explain our friendships the way these simple words do…leave it to Judy Blume to describe what feels so complicated yet so simple all at once.  I have no idea if these girls…women…really know what they mean to me but I need them to know because without them I would be nothing. 

My dear, sweet friends:

Although our lives are all at different places right now, and although i don’t get to talk to all of you very often I love you.  I love you as a group and I love you all as individuals.  I couldn’t imagine my life without you.  Thank you for letting me go through my life making mistakes and thank you for making fun of me…without your sense of humor and sarcasm I have no idea how I would have gotten thru things the way that i did.  I know that no matter what; no matter where our lives lead us, no matter how many babies, pregnancies, marriages, divorces, parties, tragedies, tears, laughs, new friends….no matter what comes our way you are the friends that know me.  You are the friends that I will never have to explain things to, because you were there to see everything…we are all there to remind each other how far we have come and I love you all for that…thank you!!!

And to remind you just how far we have come I have pictures:








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I could go on forever with the pictures of all of us…the one above is from Ashley’s wedding (congrats…you looked beautiful) but the point is simple: I am lucky to have these people…when everything else falls apart they are there and when everything falls in to place they are there…we are, and always will be, friends for life.

Monday, October 24, 2011

Monday obsessions…

I just really needed to write a quick post to let the world know I am obsessed with a few things lately and you might want to check them out! 

First thing is this song and video: With Ur Love by Cher Lloyd ft. Mike Posner   I have become OBSESSED and I can’t get enough. Apparently it is not for sale on i-tunes yet so I just play it over and over on YouTube hoping for it to pop up in the new music section so I can swiftly purchase it and play it even more than I do right now. 

In case you didn’t know I am also very much in love with Mike Posner so pretty much anything he collaborates on I will love…but this song is actually good so check it out.  Also, if you ever get the chance to see Mike Posner in concert I would STRONGLY recommend it. I recently got to experience this and it was one of my top favorite concerts!!

Ok, back to my random Monday obsessions…The abc show Pan Am…OBSESSED!!!!

I watched the very first episode and loved it then, but I recently caught myself up on the entire season thus far and love, love, love it!  I don’t know if it is the hot pilot played by Mike Vogel or the wardrobe, hair and makeup for the female cast members…either way I am mesmerized and secretly wish I was a stewardess for Pan Am in the 60’s!!!! You must check this show out if you haven’t already!


My last little obsession you can read all about on my other blog  I have been obsessed with this for awhile now and it will soon be making its debut right here in downtown Columbus. 


That is all for now…have a great week!

Sunday, October 23, 2011

10th Anniversary

It’s so hard for me to believe, but here I sit another year older! After hearing it called this by someone else I have been calling this birthday my “10th Anniversary to my 21st birthday”.  It just sounds better and I think it’s funny.  In all seriousness I can’t believe I am already 31 years old.  Part of the entire reason I even started this blog was to chronicle my life leading up to turning 30, and now here I sit a year and a half later. 

I love this blog and I a so happy people actually read it, even if it is only a few people here and there.  I love when someone comments to me about reading my blog posts…I would like to think I am interesting and I love writing about the randomness that is my day to day life, so I hope you continue to read. 

Speaking of my life I have to admit this birthday may have been one of the best yet.  I went home to Zanesville (keep your wild animal jokes to yourself please and thank you) on Friday night and had dinner and drinks with my mom, dad, sister and two of the best people i know-my friends John and Codi.  I don’t get to hang out with my parents or my Zanesville friends very often so it was so nice drinking wine, eating great food and laughing together. 

Saturday was the official birthday palooza, as my friend Jess started calling it.  Most of my closest friends came over and we went to a party that benefited breast cancer research.  It was nice to donate to a good cause, the band was great, the company was even better….and we wore pink which I LOVED!  Here are a couple shots from one of my most favorite nights to date…thank you to all of my friends and family that made it out to help celebrate my 10th anniversary, I have the best friends and family EVER!!!!


My sweet sister and the birthday cake shot she bought for me…love you Mol!


My cousins wife and one of my friends Chrisy…without her there the party could have been pretty boring…she always livens things up and that is why we love her!


And finally…they got me on stage and the band sang Happy Birthday to me, while one of the hosts of the party Jay got me to play the cattle bell…good times!  Watch out my 31st year…I think this could be another good one!

Friday, October 7, 2011

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

I have been so busy lately developing a brand new blog with my friend Natalie Kessler of Panera Bread Addict that I have neglected my own blog.  Although I am super excited about this new blog, which will chronicle our adventures in Columbus Town and High I have been a little torn.  I am not sure how to balance the two blogs…what the heck do I write about on one and not the other??? 

It sort of became pretty clear to me today after reading what I am about to share with you.  I love living in Columbus, Ohio and I will love every minute of writing about my experiences and I hope you love every minute of reading about it, but when things speak to me, whisper to my soul and pull on my heart strings my instinct is, and will always be to write about it on this blog. 

Fearless and Laughing is like my diary…I love writing when I can’t express my thoughts and feeling any other way and I love reading the comments that come back to me because it makes me feel like I am not alone in my thoughts.  With that being said I need to share with you all one of the most inspirational things I have come across in a long time. 

For some reason the death of Apple mastermind Steve Jobs has hit me hard.  It all started when I read an article about him stepping down as the CEO of Apple.  I was struck by his pure honesty and almost defeat when he said he had always promised that when the time came that he could no longer perform his duties as CEO then he would step down.  I can only imagine the despair he must have felt as he had to walk away from the company that defined him, the company that was his baby…I knew reading this that death must be the only thing pulling him away. 

He passed away Wednesday and as I was reading several articles about this mysterious and fascinating man I came across his Commencement Address to a graduating class at Stanford University in 2005. First I read it and was inspired to live the best life I possibly could for me…then I watched it and was brought to tears.  This brilliant man spoke such simple words yet the meaning behind them was and still is priceless. 

Check them out below and just try not to be as touched by his words as I was and still am. 

Commencement Address written and video

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Still the One...

This past weekend my parents celebrated 33 years of marriage! I love my parents more than anything in this world and love their marriage just as much. I am the person I am today because of them and their marriage. I wanted to help celebrate their amazing relationship with several lovely pictures of them. (and their hair and clothes from over the years) :

But in all seriousness to put in to words the way that I feel about my parents...well I just don't know that I could ever come close to doing their marriage put into words in a way that they deserve, in a way that captures the magic and romance that is their marriage. Of course to say that their entire relationship has been rainbows and bunnies would be a big old fat lie...but that is why I think I am so lucky. The fact that my parents somehow found a balance for their children to learn that marriage is a wonderful thing with amazing rewards...but that it is also a lot of work...that lesson is priceless. And they did it all in a way that we never felt real tension...even if they did. We lead an amazing childhood filled with happy memories and an even more amazing adulthood with parents that love each other and us more than anything in this world and that is the best feeling I could never truly describe! There are many songs that I would say describe this amazing relationship but one sticks out more in my mind because both of my parents seem to light up when they hear it and would say it really describes them at this point in their lives. It is the song "Still the One" by Orleans and some of the lyrics read like this:

You're still the one that makes me laugh

Still the one that's my better half

We're still having fun, and you're still the one.

You're still the one that makes me strong

Still the one I want to take along

We're still having fun, and you're still the one.
I love you both more than these words could ever really describe and I am so happy that two such amazing people found each other and had the opportunity to create the life that you have created...and I am even more blessed that I get to be apart of your magic. Thank you and HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!!!!

Monday, September 5, 2011

On a date with...myself!

Today I went on a date....with myself. If you haven't done this you should! It is not the first time and I am sure it will not be the last time I take myself on a date. I went to the movies and got myself a latte at the local coffee shop. I know you might be thinking things like:
"How embarrassing" "How sad she doesn't have someone else to take her on a date" "Doesn't she have any friends"

But...I think dates with myself are great. I actually enjoy them. Going to the movies by myself is really nice because I can watch an emotional movie and not worry about if the person next to me is as touched by things in the movie as I am. It doesn't really matter if I start to cry a little because no one is there to laugh or poke fun at me. Of course, funny movies are always better with another person to laugh at with you...but I don't go to those by myself.

Getting a latte by myself and sitting in a booth is also nice. I am not embarrassed to say I love people watching...and I do it well. Sitting down by myself and watching other people go about their day is incredibly inspiring and touching and happy. Every person that walks by has a story...they have faults, they have hopes, they have dreams and issues and loves and hurts. I people watch because it keeps me in check, it makes me realize I am just a small part in this big world. I people watch because it also makes me feel a connection...when I silently watch the world going on around me it makes me realize that even though I might be alone on this date with myself I am never lonely.

When I go on dates with myself, or take a walk by myself, or ride an airplane by myself, or do anything without another person I take comfort in looking around and seeing that everyone else is just trying to make it through the day too. If I am lucky I get to not only observe people, I get to talk to them. I love getting a strangers story...there is always things to be learned by a complete stranger whether it be their spoken words or just their body language. Dates with myself are never lonely because I am never really alone on them...I have complete strangers and their many lessons all around me and that is comforting.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

To Be Awesome

"Anyone can be cool, but awesome takes practice." -Lorraine Peterson-
I read that quote and literally laughed a little to myself. Is there really a difference between being cool and being awesome? I suppose there must be. After I stopped laughing about how simple and silly this quote is I, of course, started really thinking about what it meant. To be awesome takes practice....

On a daily basis you can be cool...but to me, being cool is just an outward look, a simple bodily expression that you have it all together. But to be awesome, that comes from have to practice and practice and really believe you are awesome to actually be awesome. Now, I realize the words "cool" and "awesome" are so simple and over used but really think about the difference and what she is saying when she says, "Anyone can be cool, but awesome takes practice!"

I think the people we surround ourselves with help to make us awesome...and that is the reason I posted the picture above. Had you told me when I was growing up that someday my bratty little, 8 years younger than me sister and my sporty younger cousin would be some of the most important supporters in my life I probably wouldn't have believed you. Of course they are family, so it was never that far of a stretch but the importance these two have in making me feel and believe and practice being awesome is unspeakable.

I can only hope everyone has those people that, even when your awesomeness fades in your own eyes, they are there to remind you that you are not only cool, but simply awesome! Practice being awesome because deep down everyone has it.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Wedding Weekend Extravaganza! case you haven't read my post on weddings before, I LOVE THEM! Over this past weekend I got to partake in a few pre-wedding events for my friend Ashley. I have known Ashley since I was in 3rd grade...about 22 years!!! To even have a friend that has known me for that long is an incredible feeling but to get to be apart of her big day is even better.

The other thing I love about these pre-wedding parties is that I also have several other friends that I have known for equally as long and i get to see them too. there is something about sitting around with friends you have known for so long. You don't have to pretend to be anything you aren't,or explain yourself, because they have been there with you every step of your life. Without words they know may not talk to these people often but they know the real you and there is nothing better than that. Below is some of our little group together to celebrate the eventual big day of Ashley (which happens in November!)

The other things I got to be apart of was a bridal shower and bachelorette party for Ash. As great as it is to have our group of life long, old friends it is also kind of special to meet the friends these people have made along their life path. Below are the future bride and bridesmaids (minus one). When someone gets married it is very interesting to see who they pick to stand by them every step of the way to the alter. The people they pick kind of reflect the type of person they are, they were, and who they have become...I have to say, based on this group ( maybe I'm biased..haha) Ashley is a pretty good person and great judge of character :)It is so crazy to think back on your life with a friend...the things you have gone thru, the boys you have gotten over, the haircuts you made it happened, and to come full circle and still remain friends with people for over 22 years is amazing. Congrats Ash...can't wait for the big day!!!!!!!

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Life may change us...

"Life may change us, but we start and end with family."

A little over a month ago we got together to celebrate the 60th anniversary of my grandparents wedding. 60 years of marriage...I cannot even begin to wrap my head around the moments spent making that marriage work. 60 years later and my grandparents have managed to remain happy, in love and a constant support to every single member of the huge family they have created. Speaking of that large family unit that I cannot seem to get enough of, let me give you an idea of the size:

That is us...every last one of us. When I look at this picture it gives me this sense of comfort that is super hard to describe. I feel so extremely lucky knowing that I have this many people behind me. I have a family the size of a small village and every single one of them would drop everything at any moment to help one another. Sure...we can be crazy:

We love to dance and sing at the top of our lungs. We love to joke and laugh and give each other a hard time. We love to act like idiots, we love singing Meatloaf and Hank Williams Jr. We love being a family and my grandparents love watching us do all of these things:

I would like to think they are proud of the family they have created because I am sure VERY proud to be apart of it. I cannot imagine my life any other way and thank God every day for this crazy family I am apart of. Onlookers might think so many people is intimidating, but when this is all you know, you don't even think twice about shoving 40 plus people into a small living room for Christmas to watch everyone open's loud, it's crazy but it is my life and my family and I wouldn't want it any other way.

Life may change us, but we start and end with family. As much as I love my extended family, the ones that really know my every move, my dreams, my hopes, my fears, my favorite foods are the people below...and I love them more than words can describe.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Recharging my battery

There are some times in my life when the moment comes for me to recharge my battery.

I don't let myself get run down or stressed out too often, but when it really happens. Recently, for one reason or another I felt my life slip slowing from my grip...I watched in slow motion as several aspects of my life became messy. I don't know if anyone can relate to this, but it seems like you wake up one morning and nothing seems to fit...the puzzle pieces of your life are a mess and putting them back together seems terrifying and next to impossible. After my divorce I try really hard to not let this happen to me...I find ways to cope with day to day things...I try to put everything in to perspective and breath.

But, sometimes things pile up and you find yourself with puzzle pieces of life that aren't fitting together...when those times happen in my life I am pretty sure I have figured out the best remedy for me, and so that is exactly what I did over the weekend.

I went home...I am lucky enough to have the most amazing parents and a handful of friends that I can go to when my life battery needs recharged. I went home...I relaxed, talked about my stresses, and laughed and laughed and laughed until my stomach muscles hurt...and then i laughed some more.

I was able to get help...i was able to recharge my battery and am confident I won't wake up tomorrow morning unable to put together my puzzle. I will grab back a hold of my life where I left it and figure out the next step of my journey with confidence all because I have an amazing cord that recharges my whenever I need it.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011


"You change for 2 reasons: Either you learn enough that you want to, or you've been hurt enough that you have to."

I read this quote today and found myself re-reading it over and over again. Change can be a pretty scary word or idea, at least for me it is. Sometimes you make changes because you want I became a vegetarian after reading several books and learning too much to continue eating meat. Or...sometimes you change because you have to, you find out you have a health condition that makes you look at your diet and lifestyle differently and you are forced to change it.

I figure no matter how change comes in to your life...embrace it. Whether you have to change or you want to happens, and it usually forces us to grow. Some of these changes can be hard, but if everything in life where easy we would never learn any lessons. Some of these changes can hurt like hell, but if things didn't hurt then we would never appreciate the things that feel wonderful. Some of these changes are stressful and confusing, but without those we would never learn how to cope.

I guess it just goes back to the thing i always try to remember....there is a valuable lesson to be learned from every experience in your life if you keep your eyes and heart open and ready to learn it. Change is gonna happen whether you want it to or not, so find the lesson it is offering and embrace it!

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Do you believe in a soul mate?

Everything happens for a reason...people come in to our lives for a reason, even if it takes a minute to realize what that reason is. I really believe that...I need to believe that to make sense of some things and some chance encounters I have come across in my life.

People always speak about a soul mate like it is the most romantic and love everlasting thing in the world. I beg to the book Eat, Pray, Love (which clearly left an impression on me because I quote it often) the term soul mate is discussed and described like this:

"People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants! But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you will ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave."

I didn't really grasp what they meant and what they were describing when I read this originally, but since that time I think I do. I would actually argue a person could then have more than one soul mate. I think I have recently come face to face with at least one of my soul mates. With each encounter I have found myself staring into the face of a person that possesses little pieces of myself...all of the little pieces I choose to ignore or push aside. The pieces that make me uncomfortable. Recently I have had some walls torn down and been smacked awake. It is those people that you find yourself drawn too, those weird encounters that continue to happen over time and you wonder why in the world you keep running in to that person?!?! It is that weird feeling you get when you talk to that person, or see that person, or even think about that is that honest, raw connection.

They can teach you something good about yourself or something bad...either way they come in to your life and at some point you realize they have taught you a lesson. You don't always become super close with these people.

It can be the lady you meet at the grocery store who you suddenly find yourself in deep conversation with about how she just beat cancer, and suddenly she has taught you a life matter how big your battle seems, it could always be worse.

It could be that friend you thought you were close with that suddenly turns on you...lesson learned: cherish the dear friends you have because they are precious.

It could be that guy you met and you thought was perfect for you and then the more you run into him, or hang out with him, or talk to him you realize his fear of a relationship is so real it will probably never work out for the two of you...lesson learned: you have that same fear but it takes seeing it in someone else to make you realize how paralyzing and sad that fear much so, you don't ever want that fear to stop you from anything!

It could be so many things and so few could be a soul mate or it could be just a chance encounter with a person. Either way, there are people out there that we connect with on a different level, and if you don't listen to yourself and take in these experiences you may never learn the important lessons that are waiting to smack you awake!

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Fear vs innocense

I decided to name my blog fearless and laughing for many reasons. Both are things I think are important to remember to incorporate in your life on a daily basis...when you attempt to face things fearlessly and with laughter they can seem alot more manageable. Also, fear is something that has been in and out of my life for awhile, something i have struggled with on many occasions...and i am sure i am not the only one.

I read alot...I read many types of books, but the ones that really catch my soul are the ones that offer advise about life, advice you normally wouldn't think twice about. One such book is called Fearless Loving by Rhonda Britton. She talks about how much fear can play a negative role in our lives if we let it. In her words,

"Fear makes us cling to the familiar and build evidence against the new, the daring, and the different."

Think about many times have you approached a situation that is similar to a previous one you may have had? Just because one friend may have stabbed you in the back, or if one boyfriend cheated on you, or even if one bartender was rude...that doesn't mean all of them will do the same thing. So, putting your guard up and assuming the same things will happen to you...well that is just silly and full of fear. You cling to what you know, and build evidence against what you don't because that is easier. It all goes along with the same thoughts as:

"Two roads diverged in the woods, and I, I took the one less traveled by and that has made all the difference" and...

"Some people think it is holding that makes us strong...sometimes it's letting go..."

"To get something you never had, you need to do something you never did"

Fear can rule our lives, I know I have let it rule mine on some days...and even some years! One thing I did learn from this book is to approach every person as if they are innocent. I tend to over think and over analyze EVERYTHING. "What does he mean when he says that? "That girl must not like me because of the way she just said that"...and so on. It all seems innocent, but it can drive a person crazy...I think these things because it is easier to stick with my keep my guard up, to not get hurt.

If I assume the worst than I am ready for the worst.

Wow...I honestly don't know where I just pulled that last sentence from. That is an example of how writing on here can be my own form of therapy. How sad for me, or anyone to go around assuming the worst just so they can't ever be hurt again. If you look at every person like they are innocent then it could leave the floor open for them to actually be innocent. They probably don't have the intention to hurt give people a chance, I need to give people the chance to be everything I wish they could be not everything i assume they are.

Try it with me...does this post even make sense?

Fearless can equal happiness and more laughter. Assume the best in every person rather than building up your walls with excuses and maybe you will be pleasantly surprised. Dive head first in to life and life may just surprise i must run along and take my own advise :)

Monday, June 20, 2011


Life is all about choices...Sometimes you don't even know you have a choice, but you always do.

I was reminded of this yesterday when I went home to celebrate Father's Day and got to sit down with my family and my grandparents. Reminiscing on stories of how my grandparents met, how they made their way through this world, how they managed to have 13 children...2 deaths, many injuries, a ton of laughter and still manage to be celebrating 60 years of marriage holding hands and with respect and love for one another.

It was with listening to them talk I was made to remember that life is made up of millions of tiny little choices...every second you are faced with so many. It can be as simple as "should i wear the red shirt or blue shirt?" right on down to "should i let past mistakes and heartaches cause me to be fearful of things, or should i learn from them and grow?" Talking with my grandparents I realized just how true this is.

They made a choice every single day to love each other, they made a choice every single day to provide for their create a family that was built on kindness, hard work, love, and faith. Looking back they would tell you they didn't even realize they were making those choices, and they would tell you they weren't always easy ones. And they still make choices that shape who they are...they choose to maintain strong relationships with their children. They choose to keep their faith a top priority, they choose to remain VERY active and present in their lives even if they are in their 80's. They basically choose to laugh in the face of age and continue on as if they were 20!

I guess my point in all of this is that when you take it down to simply saying..."I have a choice", life seems a little more simple. I can choose to wake up every morning and be guarded and carry the weight of every past mistake and heartbreak on my shoulders, or I can wake up every morning and choose to be remember bad mistakes and heartbreak, but use them as lessons...I can choose to be happy.

If you get overwhelmed with all of the choices life might throw at you...if you get fearful because moving forward in life could bring you more hurt than you think you could ever handle...if you find yourself faced with death...if you loose your job...if you wake up and it seems you have nothing to get out of bed for...

Get up anyway, smile...look at all of the choices you have, and if they all seem like too much to handle, then let me make it simple: Choose happiness. Make the choices that leave you feeling happy, leave you feeling satisfied, leave you feeling at peace...They might not be the easier of the two choices, but in the end always choose happiness!

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Single at 30...

I am not writing this post because I want people to feel sorry for me...I am going to write this post because it is something I think about alot. I am writing this because I want to describe what I feel so that I can breath and move on. I am writing this in hopes that other people feel this same way, or at least a little bit like me because then I am not really that alone in this...

I usually stay very positive in my life despite what life throws at least i try REALLY hard to be. But sometimes I have my days and today is one of them, days where things seem to move in slow motion...days where I start to really think and focus on things in my life I normally push to the side. I am never sure what sparks these days, but i think most people have them and so today is my day to think extra hard about my life...and with that comes the ever weighting fact that I am 30 and single.

I would like to tell you how it feels to be 30 and single: I can only speak for myself and the life and path that I have been on...Most days I wake up, go for a jog downtown and really try to focus on myself...listen to music and think about my day, my work, what i am going to do for the weekend, what I am going to make for myself for know all the normal day to day things a single person might think about. Most days I go through my life and try to remember all of the words and sayings I study to remain positive. I love the freedom of being single; if i want to go to a movie 5 minutes before it starts,I can. If i want to make pancakes for dinner, i dont have anyone to please but myself. if i want to drive home to visit my parents, or take a jog late at night, or go to bed hours earlier than normal...I can because it is just me. Most of the time I enjoy having this freedom. But, and there is always a but...there are many days and moments when i am smacked in the face with the life I thought i would be living at 30.

It is the moments when I ask my friend to meet me for a drink but she has to find a babysitter and see what her husband is doing first...she has more people than just herself to worry about. It is the times when I want to go to the park and watch a band and there is no one to go with me. It is the times when I am running a half marathon and catch a glimpse of a women that is about my age about to finish the race of her life and then I see her VERY proud husband and daughter on his shoulders cheering soooo loud for the women they couldnt make it without. It is the times when I actually make it to church on Sunday and see the young couple quitely holding hands and praying and then realize when they turn around to offer me a gesture of peace that the wife is pregnant and radiating with happiness as is her husband. It's the stroke of midnight on New Year's Eve when I have no one to kiss, it is the moment at the pool when someone see's me casually reading a book and they comment as they are trying to catch their adorable kids while jumping in to the pool "i remember when I could lay around the pool and read...enjoy it while you can"

I do enjoy it...I enjoy all of the moments I get by myself, and I know this sounds alot like a pity party for me...but when you watch people living the life you always dreamed for yourself it gets hard. To be 30 and single you start to wonder if you will ever find the "right" person. You go to bars and start realizing you are the oldest person at the notice most people have wedding rings start hearing your biological clock ticking VERY loud. Single at look at your friends and try and retrace their did they end up with a wonderful husband and a super cute kid. Of course, you are happy for these people...I would never change any of their lives to improve mine...but you wonder what you did wrong. If you have parents like mine, you think about where they were at your age...married with several kids and a life, a family. Then you think about yourself again and suddenly you would love to not be able to go to that movie last minute. You would love to have to worry about someone other than yourself when deciding what to cook for dinner. You would love to stay up late because your child wants one more story read to them.

I want more...I know you have to love yourself before you can love another person. I know that, and I have made that can't look to a relationship to bring you happiness, you need to find it within yourself. Well I have..I have had plenty of time to really examine myself, really find what makes ME happy. I want more! I want more! I want more! That terrifies and excites me all at the same time. Putting myself out there at 30 is terrifying because what if the next time fails too...then I could be 35 and single...then what?

I guess i have learned life will go on...I can make it as a single person. There are things I enjoy so much about being single, but when it comes right down to it i love my family...all of them, and I cannot imagine my life without a family of my own. So then i come full circle...remain positive, stay positive, it will happen when it happens. It's just, i want it to happen now...

Anyone else with me?

Monday, June 6, 2011

What haven't I been up to is the real question...

I have been sooo busy the last couple of weeks and have obviously neglected my blog yet again. There is good reason because I have been doing some pretty fun things. My brief concert extravaganza came to a temporary end for now (NKOTBSB is still happening!!) I did get to see Zac Brown Band and LOVED it before my concert break occurred. So anyways, I participated in the Columbus Crawl for Cancer and had sooo much fun. It was amazing the amount of people that came out for this event! It was really great to see so many people out and about in the downtown area all in the name of finding a cure for cancer. Of course, the fact that there was beer involved probably motivated some people, but either way we had a blast! It is sad to say that I most likely don't know a single person that hasn't been directly affected by cancer so raising money to help with research was a no brainer. Note to self: next time we must have better outfits...some people were insane with their crazy costumes, we for sure need to bring it!

As if that was enough excitement I also competed in the Warrior Dash. I found this event on the Internet months ago and somehow conned some people into doing it with me. We dressed up in hilarious outfits...jorts, cut off flannels, and American flag bandannas and gave it hell! SO MUCH FUN:) I'm not sure what was more fun... the actual race or the getting ready for the race! Either way, doing stupid and random things with friends and family is one of my favorite past times and I don't plan on slowing down any time soon. Next stop...Park Street Fest this weekend; 17th floor here we come (they are an awesome and stupidly fun band that take me back to my college days)

I hope you guys are enjoying your days and weekends as much as I have been...stay tuned for more ridiculous adventures!

Monday, May 23, 2011

Things I notice at a concert...

So my summer concert tour extravaganza continued this past weekend with two amazing concerts. Friday night we saw O.A.R. and Sunday (literally all day) we saw many country artists including Dierks Bentley. Both of these were at the LC pavilion which i had never been too before, but was quickly reminiscing of old concerts had at the Polaris amphitheatre back in the day. There is just something about going to a concert at a great outdoor venue with mostly only lawn seats!
At any rate, i was reminded this weekend of how much I LOVE going to concerts and listening to live music...but i was also reminded of how much i people watch and observe the general public most everywhere i go, and i do it way more than the average person. So let me go ahead and fill you in on all the greatness i found at the concerts.
Not only were there some really great outfits going on but if you could get past the half leather vests and crazy shirtless wonders you actually saw just a bunch of people all enjoying the same thing. It's amazing how a good song (and let's be real...probably some beer too) can bring together even the most unlikely pairs. It shows when the crazy college kid that is dancing like no one is watching pairs up with the unsuspecting business man with penny loafers on...suddenly they are dancing around like they have been great friends for years. It is that few minutes of complete care free fun that makes concerts sooo much fun. Most every one let's go and just has a darn good time.

And again if you can get past the crazy clothing choices (and let me tell you there were many) you can see the two people that really love each other, slow dancing like they are the only two people in the world. I am personally touched by these quite observations I somehow am drawn to make no matter what my situation is. At any rate...concerts have always been and will most likely continue to be one of my favorite things to involve myself in.

Don't worry i have many more coming up...zak brown this week, NKOTBSB later in the summer (i will finally make Joey McIntyre mine!!!) i am sure i will have more simple observations to share with you so stay tuned!

Sunday, May 15, 2011

How old are you?

How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

I recently read this somewhere and literally just stood there re-reading it and thinking about what my answer would be. I know I sometimes get caught up with the whole age thing...I mean the entire purpose of my blog in the beginning revolved around my turning 30. So to read this statement/question really rattled something inside of me.

I just don't think there is a straight answer to this question and that is probably the point of get you to really think about yourself and how old you live your life. Age really is just a number when you think of it from this prospective. Plus there are days when I live my life like a 21 year old, and then there are days I live my life like a 65 year really just depends. I would have to say that for the majority of my life i have lived and acted older than i really was or am, even though i am often told i look younger than i actually am (which i am not complaining about at all!)

The older i have gotten the more i think about some point you wake up realizing your life will not go on forever and that ticking clock gets louder and louder and that list of things you keep meaning to do before you die gets longer and dustier.

How old would I be if I didn't know how old I was...I guess my answer would be: If i woke up tomorrow not knowing anything about my actual age I would probably look at my life and assume i was younger than i actually am because in my mind and expectations i always assumed at the age of 30 i would be living a different life than i am living right now. I would assume because i don't have a husband, kids, a house i would have to be younger than 30. now of course that is not fair at all...but that is my honest answer.

In the end this question has really just got me thinking...I need to start living with a little more intention... What age would you be if you had no idea what age you actually are???

Another quote I read today: Age is just a question of mind over matter, if you don't mind it doesn't matter!

Monday, May 9, 2011

Too bad, too bad, too bad...

Recently the world lost one of the most wonderful human beings I have ever had the chance to know. My great-uncle KK passed away and it has taken me the last couple of weeks to even begin to come up with the right words to express how I feel about this man...his life, his death and everything in between.

He is my mom's uncle, but to even just say that sounds totally wrong...he was like her second dad. He was my grandpa's brother and best friend. He did everything with my mom's family and he did everything for my mom's least that is the way I remember it. My mom and her brother and sister have different, equally as wonderful, memories of this man...but I can only speak about my memories and what it was like to have the most magical great uncle anyone could ever imagine.

He loved his family beyond words and was NEVER afraid to show it...having tea parties with just me and him, hiding coins all over our house every time he would visit...the excitement of finding those coins was amazing! Looking back at his life I have come to realize things I never have before...this wonderful man somehow managed to embody a childlike spirit up until the day he died. He would get excited and find simple wonder in things that the average person would pass right by. Because of him I notice more, I enjoy the little things...because of his love of taking pictures, I now really appreciate the beauty of catching every moment you can with a picture. He gave and gave and gave and never expected anything in return.

He was precious...and I will miss him more than I ever expected. Below are a few pictures of the memorial service we held on our own for him...Even in his death he was still giving by donating his body to Ohio University for research. We decided to play several of his favorite songs, read a few reading and leave flowers on the steps of what used to be the house he grew up in. It is now a flower garden which couldn't be any more perfect because he also had such a love for nature, he was always reminding you to literally stop and smell the flowers.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Race day energy!

As I was driving to work this morning (i fill in at the medical spa i used to work for on the occasional Saturday...sweet discounts on products and makeup, what more can i say) I realized it was the morning of the Capital City Half and full Marathon. My first clue was the many people walking around in running attire, but I swear I could also feel that energy you only get from a race. There is just something unexplainable about race day. If you have not ever ran in a race...even a 5k, you MUST, MUST, MUST try it at least once. The energy is like nothing else, and as I was driving (feeling a little lazy) I was reminded of this time last year. My entire family signed up for and walked in the same half marathon. We wore matching green outfits and proudly looked like a group of big old dorks, but we had so much fun. It made me a little sad that we didn't sign up again for this one, but we couldn't pull it together in time.

However, just seeing all the action of race day has convinced me even more to sign up for the Columbus Half Marathon in the fall. I am actually going to join MIT (marathon in training). Yes, I have finished numerous half marathons and am not new to the idea surrounding them. I am able to train by myself, but I decided to join a group because I figure it will be another much needed way to hopefully meet new people. I know I need all the help I can get in the "meeting new people" department, so why not combine a few things I like to do and kill two birds with one stone. Also I have never seriously trained for a half marathon, so i am putting all of my effort in to this one so that i can say for the first time "i trained my ass off for that race and couldn't have done any better!"

At any rate, hopefully my 30 year old knees and plantar fascitis foot will hold out for one more race! If you have any interest in joining me on this journey check out: If I can finish these types of races literally ANYONE can do it. I don't even think you can call what I do running...sometimes i am certain i could be walking faster, but i get it done and usually enjoy most of it! The great thing about MIT is that anyone can do it at any speed, including walkers so check it out and let me know if you have any questions. Here goes nothing...

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Rain and sweat

I am completely and utterly sick of this rain!!! I woke up this morning, barely, and did not want to get out of my bed. Somehow I managed to find the will power to get up and as i was driving to work i realized the grey skies and Ohio weather were getting the best of me.

Somehow, today, I was determined to find something positive about all of this rain, and just when I was thinking how nice and green everything must look in the sunlight (sort of positive) I parked my car, got out and nearly stepped on this:

WORMS!!!!! And not just this one...they are all over the ground. As if that isn't disgusting enough it actually smelled like worms. Now I know I have the nose of a dog but it was really bad. Let me recap...not only did i have to play hopscotch to avoid stepping on a worm but i also had to do this while trying not to throw up a little in my mouth from the smell. I really tried to be positive about this rain, but today was not the day...maybe tomorrow. Ohio weather:1, me:0

With that being said I did partake in something good sister and I attended a hot yoga class at Tracey Gardner Method Studio I have attempted this class a couple of times and am actually starting to enjoy it. They heat the room,which is only lit my candles and a small amount of rope light, to a sweltering 100 degrees! They have humidifiers going, loud great music, and it is not your typical yoga. Supposedly you burn near 1000 calories in one class which i totally look like you just got out a swimming pool when you are finished but it isn't water it is sweat :) At any rate Molly (my sister) and I are planning on keeping this up once a out world i potentially could have nice arms for the first time in my life.

Here is a pic after the class...since we both decided to go all Johnny Cash and wear all black you cannot tell that our clothes are completely soaked in sweat, but you get the point. Check out her website and her class if you live in the Columbus area...totally worth it!

Monday, May 2, 2011

This is

This is me...the real me, the me that loves relaxing on a hammock reading a book, the me with no make up on (and the me that is totally fine with that) the me that loves being with her family and close friends... the me that for several moments can forget every worry...can stop second guessing and over thinking every decision i have ever made in life...the me that enjoys laughing at silly things with my sister when everyone else thinks we are completely weird...I LOVE this picture because it reminds me to be the real me more often.

I am writing a post about the real me because as embarrassing as it is to admit...i have somehow managed to lose a little bit of her over the past couple of years. I have woken up and realized i am not where i ever thought i would be at the age of 30. I have also had to come to terms with the fact that although I'm not exactly where i want to be, i am still happy with the way things have gone...i have had sooo much fun, learned so much about myself, and had the chance to live a little more than i ever have before.

I lived my life up until recently with the assumption that if i did everything i was "supposed" to do then i would always end up where i was "supposed" to be. That plan didn't really play out like i thought it would. I did things because it was the right thing to do, because i didn't really know what i wanted to do or who i wanted to i just did what i thought i was supposed to do in hopes i would feel passion for something or someone along the way and figure it out eventually.

Living my life the past couple of years in a total different way then i have ever before...the good and the bad, has made me realize that sometimes you have to lose yourself a little before you can really find yourself.

Realizing what parts of me I have managed to let slip out of my reach and also realizing i really like and need those parts of me has really helped me to piece together the kind of person I feel most comfortable being.

And so...after having started my blog one year ago with totally different intentions (i lived thru turning 30) i now want to take it in a little bit of a different direction. During all of this learning experience and finding slash losing myself i realized how much i enjoy makes me feel passion and so i need to continue it. im not sure the exact direction i will take but i do hope to post more on a daily basis about my really helps to keep me grounded and somehow taking pictures of what i do and telling everyone make me stay real to who i am and want to in a way you help me be more like the first picture i posted on here. Stay tuned...

Monday, March 21, 2011

I want to know...

I found this poem, or whatever you want to call it, on an amazing blog called I read these words and literally found myself in tears.

There are periods of my life I really let go and just have a good time...i love those moments, but i find i am more in balance when I also take other moments to check back in with myself. I need beatiful songs, touching poems and quite reflections to really put my life back in to perspective and to remember what my goals in life are. Having a great time with friends and family is only half of what life is about...the other half is learning about yourself...reminding yourself of the important things...its about figuring out what makes you laugh, what makes you cry, what makes your heart and spirit swell with passion...So, when I read these words below I was brought back to a place of vulnerable realness. It brought me to tears and I was reminded of what i want...I want to say these words to someone and I want them to say it to me...People always ask me (because I am single and some people just cant fathom being single) what it is i am looking for in a partner, man, husband...and for the first time i have found words to describe to them my answer. I am sure I am not the only person out there that would describe this as their answer too.

I love romance, but these words are what it is all about...this reminded me of what i deserve and although i am so happy with my life and i love having fun, sometimes your soul is touched and you remember what really, deeply matters. I hope you are touched by these words as much as i was, and am and will be forever!!!

The Invitation by

It doesn’t interest me
what you do for a living.
I want to know
what you ache for
and if you dare to dream
of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me
how old you are.
I want to know
if you will risk
looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me
what planets are
squaring your moon...
I want to know
if you have touched
the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened
by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know
if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know
if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you
to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations
of being human.

It doesn’t interest me
if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear
the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.I
f you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know
if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live
or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me
who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me
where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know
what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to knowif you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like
the company you keep
in the empty moments.